For many of us, the idea of Jesus we grew up with is tangled in layers of fear, control, or shame. Maybe He was presented as a figure used to enforce rules, manipulate behavior, or demand perfection. That was my story for a long time.
It took me 20 years to realize and understand that the Jesus my father scared me with to control and manipulate was not the Jesus I have come to know and love. For years, I thought Jesus was all about condemnation, rules, and guilt. But the real Jesus? He’s nothing like that.
Jesus is the Father of love, not a master manipulator. He invites us into freedom, not fear. If you’ve struggled with a distorted view of Jesus because of past hurts, religious control, or bad experiences with the church, this post is for you.
Chances Are, You Already Know About Jesus
You’ve probably heard about Jesus in some way. Maybe it’s through the cards left on your windshield at the grocery store, miracle stories on the news, or friends and family sharing their faith.
But chances are, you’ve also seen the darker side of religion. People who claim to know Jesus but act out of judgment. Churches that have hurt instead of healed. Religion used as a weapon to manipulate instead of a pathway to love.
If that’s been your experience, let me gently say this: Jesus is not the same as the people who have hurt you. He is not the tool used to control or scare you. He’s the God who loves, forgives, and restores.
The Jesus I’ve Come to Know
The real Jesus is patient, kind, and full of grace. He doesn’t demand perfection—He meets us in our mess. He doesn’t manipulate—He gives us free will.
Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). That’s not the invitation of a controller or manipulator. That’s the invitation of a loving Father who wants to lighten your load.
We All Need Connection
Here’s the thing: everyone is carrying pain. Everyone is struggling to find their purpose, their way, their tribe. Our generation is great at showing the highlight reel on social media and keeping things surface-level, but deep down, we’re all craving something real.
We want life-giving relationships and deep connections with people who see us, love us, and walk with us through the hard stuff. Jesus offers that kind of connection. He wants a real relationship with you, not just a checkbox on Sunday mornings.
It’s About Relationship, Not Religion
Here’s where a lot of people get stuck: they think following Jesus is about religion. Rules, rituals, and perfectionism. But Jesus didn’t come to start a religion—He came to build a relationship.
Religion might say, “Do more. Be better. Try harder.” Jesus says, “It is finished” (John 19:30).
He wants your heart, not your performance. He wants to know you, walk with you, and love you in every season of your life. Guess what, there are also people like my friends and I who want to do the same!
Rediscovering Jesus
If you’re ready to meet the real Jesus—the one who loves you without conditions—start small. Open your Bible, even if it’s been years. The Gospels (Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John) are a great place to start because they show who Jesus really is.
Talk to Him. You don’t need fancy words. Just say, “Jesus, I ’m here. I want to know You. Help me find You.”
My first words to Jesus as an adult were, "Jesus if you really are there, help me get out of this situation." He did too. Something happened to force me to end an abusive 8 year relationship the very next day. I am not saying that is always how Jesus works, but in my situation, in that particular prayer, it did. He answered me and I haven't looked back since. What do you have to lose by trying?
Finding Your Church Community
Church can feel intimidating, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past. But church isn’t about perfect people—it’s about people who are trying, failing, and learning to follow Jesus together.
Look for a church that’s Bible-based and focuses on a relationship with Jesus.
Test the waters by watching online or visiting a few in person.
Bring a friend if you feel nervous.
Give it time; finding the right church can take a little trial and error. They are not all the same.
Where Do you Go From Here?
Faith is a journey, not a destination. After you reconnect with Jesus and church, here’s what’s next:
Build Community: Join a small group or Bible study to make connections.
Keep Growing: Read your Bible, pray, and ask questions. God doesn’t expect perfection—just progress.
Be Gentle With Yourself: Faith is about grace, not guilt. You don’t have to have it all figured out.
Share Your Story: As you experience Jesus, let others know what He’s doing in your life. It could be the inspiration for someone else.
Jesus Is Waiting for You
In the story of the prodigal son (Luke 15:20), the father runs to his son with open arms, even after everything the son had done. That’s how Jesus feels about you. No matter how far you’ve wandered or how long it’s been, Jesus is ready to welcome you home.
This isn't about following a checklist or adhering to a religion. It's about knowing the loving Father who created you, sees you, and desires a genuine relationship with you. You're not starting from scratch; you're entering into something new and beautiful. Allow Him to meet you where you are and guide you to a place beyond your imagination. My life has completely changed since I first entered the church 8 years ago. He has transformed my heart and improved many aspects of my life. I am far from perfect and don't have everything figured out. I still experience deep pain that I'm working through. I still make mistakes, unintentionally hurt others, fall, and need grace. But that's the beauty of being human and having a God who created those emotions and free will.
If you’re longing for something more, let me tell you this: Jesus is the one who can fill that emptiness. I promise you, He’s the answer to the longing in your heart.
My messages are always open. If you need help finding Jesus, a good beginners Bible, a church, or just someone to talk to, I’m here. 💛
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