I don’t remember the first time I heard the name of Jesus.

It’s a name that has been spoken for thousands of years—by those who love Him, follow Him, and trust Him.

I’ve heard people talk about Him with such confidence, such unshakable belief.

For a long time, I wondered how they could be so sure.

How could they trust Him so fully when life still holds so much pain?

Because I knew pain.

I knew what it was to hurt, to carry wounds too deep for words. I knew the ache of brokenness, the exhaustion of trying to hold myself together when everything inside felt shattered.

Life had been heavy, and I had grown tired of pretending I could carry it all on my own.

There comes a point when the weight of suffering presses so hard that you have to find something stronger to hold onto—or you crumble beneath it.

I needed comfort.

I needed peace.

I needed joy—real joy, the kind that doesn’t fade when life is hard.

And so, I turned to Jesus.

Not because I trusted that I would get those things, like others had. Not because I fully understood who He was. But because I had nothing left to cling to, and I needed to know if what people said about Him was true. I needed to know if He could really take my burdens, if He could really heal my heart. I was desperate for some sort of relief. I felt so much brokenness. I couldn't continue life the way I felt. I needed reprieve.

And He did.

I think one of the common misconceptions is that relief is instant. It's not. It is gradual. The more you ask questions, the more you lean in to Him, the lighter things become. The more you seek him, the more clarity you get.

I gave my life to Jesus in 2017, and in 8 years, I have been through so many seasons. Seasons of thankfulness, seasons of despair, seasons of anger, seasons of questions. There have been times where I still continue to question and grapple if he is real.

There have been a few moments in my life—**defining moments—**where I KNEW God was in it.

There have been situations that He has gotten me out of, miracles that have happened to me, that it could have been nothing else but Him.

The conception, pregnancy, and birth of my daughter is one of the big ones. I was told I would never conceive, never carry a child, never be a mother. But God had other plans. It's hard to explain, but I always knew I would be a mom, I just didn't know how. I knew my daughter before she was mine. It was a feeling, a vision that I had. So when it happened, it was like a little nod from Jesus.

But I had an event happen last year that changed me to my core.

It changed the way I saw Jesus.

I FELT Him and it was then that I realized, THIS is what people talk about.

Last year, someone I love deeply ended up in the hospital. They live 14 hours away. They kept telling me it wasn’t serious, but God told me otherwise. There was this little nagging feeling that I needed to go to them. It was this feeling that I just could not ignore. So I hopped in my car after work and started the 14-hour drive.

The entire drive, fear sat heavy in my chest. I can’t explain it. Around 1 a.m., exhaustion started to hit, and I began looking for a hotel. Usually, on I-95, hotel signs are everywhere. But for some reason, I couldn’t find one. For 30 minutes, I searched. Finally, I spotted a sign, pulled into the parking lot, and walked to the door—only to find it locked.

A sign on the door read: “Opens at 8 a.m. Office closed.”

Frustrated, I got back in the car to find another hotel. But oddly enough, there were none nearby.

So I kept driving. (God is always in those details, he was keeping me from falling asleep. Keeping me from stopping my drive.)

Twenty minutes later, my phone rang. My loved one had gone into cardiac arrest. They were trying to bring them back. I was 4 hours away.

The doctors asked for permission to do life-saving measures.

I begged God not to take them. I begged for it not to be their time.

I don’t remember the rest of the drive.

My body was shaking. I was making frantic phone calls, trying to get family to the hospital.

I prayed for God to carry me.

I poured myself out to Him, begging for him to step in.

And when I finally walked into that hospital 4 hours later, I knew He was there.

Christian music played overhead.

Scripture was printed on the walls.

Pictures of Jesus was framed right outside the ICU doors.

Jesus, in a hospital!

A peace overcame me that I cannot explain. 

Even as I stepped into the hospital room and saw someone I love so deeply in a coma, on life support, knocking on death’s door—I still knew. God was there.

I’ll never forget sitting in a corner, on the floor of the ICU waiting room, on FaceTime with my therapist, telling her how dire the situation was. That this was probably the end. And yet—I felt an incredible calm. She even said it was beautiful, how calm I was. That the presence of Jesus was obvious.

I was in shock, yes. But I knew God was with me.

I saw little signs everywhere that He had this.

When we walked in for the first time, a surgeon was in the room waiting for us. They needed permission. The doctors explained that there was only one option: a high-risk surgery. An 86% death rate for people who weren’t as sick as my loved one.

It was a hail Mary that they were unsure would work.

I waited for nine hours in the OR waiting area. Seated next to my father—the man who had torn my soul to shreds. The man I hadn’t seen in seventeen years. The man who I had spent my entire life trying to heal from. Trying to untangle the mess of what he had done. My body trembled, screaming to get away from him.

But I had to be strong.

I have never leaned on God so hard.

My family needed me to be strong. To be the one to hold us together.

To have faith.

I spent a week in that room, praying over my loved one, playing worship music, trying to hold my family together. We were in a storm of fear, desperation, and facing painful conversations. It is something I can't explain, something I hope no one ever has to go through.

Jesus, hold my hand. Walk me through this.

I kept repeating it.

Over and over.

I was being faced with a load I could not carry, yet I had peace.

A peace that didn’t make sense.

I knew my loved one would be okay.

And if they weren’t, I knew it would still be okay.

They wouldn’t be in pain anymore—physically or emotionally.

I trusted, fully, that God had them.

And then—God moved.

After a week of every organ failing, of numbers dropping, of doctors bracing us for the worst—things started to turn around.

Slowly, their body started waking up. 

Their fighting spirit kicked in. What seemed impossible became possible. The doctors, nurses and ICU staff were in awe. Everyone kept coming in to see the miracle.

A month later, they walked out of that hospital.

They are a walking miracle. A Lazarus.

God was not done with their story. And He’s not done with them yet. I know he is still working on their heart. Because that's who Jesus is. He will never stop pursuing those he loves.

I have several people in my life who do not know my Jesus.

People that I love with every fiber of my being.

They know the fear of Jesus.

The rules of Jesus.

The forced relationship.

The way people have used His name to control others.

That is not Jesus.

I pray over that daily. I pray that God keeps pursuing them (He will!) and softens their hearts.

I pray that they turn to Him and find true healing, true peace, and true comfort.

Knowing Jesus—**having a relationship with Him—**does not erase what we have been through.

It doesn’t stop hard things from happening.

BUT—it does make life more beautiful.

I have walked through the deepest, darkest places and can still find so much beauty in this world. In the people around me. In the future.

In myself. Because I know God. I know the beauty of who He is.

And I believe that once you truly know Jesus, there is a peace that grows in your heart.

And that peace never leaves.

If you’ve been searching, if you’ve been questioning, if you’ve been wondering if Jesus is real—He is.

And He is waiting for you.

He is patient.

He is kind.

He is pursuing you even when you don’t realize it.

If you’re not sure where to start, start with this:

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."—Matthew 11:28

Jesus isn’t about rules, fear, or performance. He is about relationship.

He wants to meet you exactly where you are.

I am always open to chat. Send me an email, find me on social media. I LOVE to talk about who Jesus is and why YOU ARE WORTH knowing Him.

Heavenly Father,

I come before You with an open heart, thanking You for the ways You reveal Yourself to us. Thank You for never leaving us, for walking with us through the valleys, and for giving us hope when everything feels broken.

Lord, I lift up every person reading this today. If they are searching for You, may they find You. If they are questioning, may You bring clarity. If they are hurting, may You bring comfort and peace. Let them feel Your presence in a way that is undeniable. Show them that You are real, that You are near, and that You are ready to hold them in their hardest moments.

I pray for those who have been wounded by the misuse of Your name, by the weight of legalism, or by fear disguised as faith. Heal their hearts, soften their spirits, and lead them into the true freedom that comes from knowing You personally.

God, You are a God of miracles. I have seen You move, and I believe You are moving still. Continue to do what only You can do in our lives. Help us to trust You, even when it’s hard. Help us to lean on You, even when we are afraid. And help us to walk with You, not just as believers, but as true followers of Christ.

May Your love be made known through every testimony, every breakthrough, and every transformed heart.

In Jesus’ Name,

Amen.

Have You Ever Had a Moment Where You Just Knew God Was There?

I’d love to hear your story. Share in the comments—let’s encourage each other in faith.